Why Ghosts Lie.


We all know, most ghosts aren’t who they say they are.

Thomas Edison? Nope. More like Don Willows, failed carpenter.

John Lennon? Seriously? We all know you are Dave Daniels, harpsichord enthusiast from the 1980’s.

Why are ghosts waking us up in the middle of the night and telling us things that aren’t truthful? It’s a common problem.

When I was a little girl growing up on my grandfather’s apple orchard, ghosts used to tell me all sorts of crazy crap. “Don’t go to the magic well!” or “The stables will make you hurt your pets!” or “Trees are made out of the souls of liars!”. Wow. What a load.

What I’m here to tell you is that you don’t need ghosts to lie to you. You don’t need some spirit from a transdimensional plane of purgatory to break into your preceptive plane and give you a bunch of facts that just aren’t real.

What I’m trying to say is: Ghosts are just crappy salespersons. They are the perpetual spirits of those that just didn’t get what they wanted.

They aren’t murdered spirits seeking retribution or family members that need you to find their hidden treasure.

They are just shitty people, like you and me, who realized they didn’t get enough done when they were alive. And now, we are the focus of their regrets.

What I say is, ignore them. Disembodied howl at the end of your bed? Ignore. Chatty corpse in the creepy barn? Whatever. Floating transparent apparition that makes you want to freak out when it comes close to you but never really comes close enough to you in order to ACTUALLY touch you? Just another faker.

Call their bluff. Tell them no thanks, you have to get to an important meeting.

That is how the living roll.

Ghosts? Just move on. And take your crappy problems to someone who actually gives a crap.

My name is Trent Wilkie.

And you…you are welcome.

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Published by: thetrentwilkie

Trent Wilkie is a husband/father/writer/journalist/performer in Edmonton. Trent has written for CBC Radio, Fangoria Magazine, Edmonton Sun, Exclaim Magazine, Fort Sask Record, Theatre Network, The Edmonton Fringe, and is currently pouring his heart and soul into his award-winning blog The UnDad. As well, Trent has also been a wilderness canoe guide for over 10 years which he now considers therapy. Trent is also a member of Mostly Water Theatre, a sketch comedy troupe and has performed in a bevy of Edmonton International Fringe Festivals to varying degrees of success. When taking time off from trying not to be boring, Trent likes to relax while watching horror movies and trying to write the perfect three chord song

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