The Interview Project 32: Ryan Hughes

Bio:
“Ryan is an award-winning writer, director and actor currently based out of Toronto. He did a lot of indie theatre in his hometown of Edmonton for many years, a lot of it with Human Loser Theatre, the company he co-founded with Morgan Smith. He is a graduate of the Playwriting program of the National Theatre School of Canada. He wrote the screenplay for the award-winning short film How to Marry a Mink. He has also appeared in small roles in the TV series Blackstone, and in the sequel to the Canadian comedy classic FUBAR. He is a graduate of the Playwriting program at the National Theatre School of Canada, ad attended MacEwan’s Theatre Arts Program way back when.”

Today Is Ryan Hughes’ birthday. If someone reading this within his proximity, I do bequeath upon you these three words: Nurple frenzy.

ALSO: He is currently doing a play-a-day blog thing and you can find that bad boy here : No Dark Days

ON TOP OF ALL THAT CRAZY CRAP: We are going to play a game, it is called ‘Ryan or Robot’. In this game, you get to choose wether the sentence is a quote from Ryan, or a Robot that was left here by an alien race to collect information about humanity. All Right! Let’s play RYAN or ROBOT (answers at bottom of page)!

1) Toronto makes me want to become a moonshine hobbyist.

2) They are fucking LINE DANCING! With REGULARITY!

3) Man, fuck a bunch of sunshine.

4) Another fucking play about a fucking painter.

5) Today is the day I finally get around to telling those pigeons to go fuck themselves.

6) Yes, but how do you know it is a surgery scar?

7) Care to sample some go fuck yourself?

8) I’m going to punch you in the wind.

9) Ha, ha you could NEVER see fireworks in Paris from even the tallest building in Toronto. B/c of the earth’s curvature. Take THAT, my dreams!

10) If you haven’t seen the episode of Punky Brewster where they talk about the space shuttle explosion then you are an asshole sir!

That was fun! Now – HIS WORDS:

If you would give yourself a nickname what would it be?

I wouldn’t want to give it to myself. But I would want to somehow cause others to give it to me, which is the only way for a name to be Legit Nick™. I would want the nickname I’m given to be a Middle Name in Quotes model. “Buttons”. Ryan “Buttons” Hughes. I would also like my nickname to have a sub-nickname of (Peyote). Ryan “(Peyote) Buttons” Hughes.

If all this is getting too complicated and expensive, Legit Nick™ would also be an acceptable nickname.

If you could switch one body part with anyone else in the world living or dead, who and what would it be?

I already have too many babies’ feet, so I’d happily trade SOMEONE a couple of those for a cheerleader’s eye. There’s this spell I’m dying to try. And that weird Buffy chick isn’t gonna stop me this time. I will rule Sunnydale High.

In five words, describe your most uncomfortable dream.

Somehow, she was my DAD!

What is your favourite word?

“Subtle” is up there. The fact that the word “subtle” has a silent letter in it is kind of a triumph of design. Good goin’, English!

What does that word smell like?

Dust being burnt off of theatre lights. Just the faintest whiff, of course.

What is your spirit animal?

An owl. On the cheerleading team.

If ghosts existed, would you want to meet one? If so, what would you ask it?

If she was cute, sure. I’d ask her what the most private thing she’s willing to admit on here is. Like, on this astral plane. Or maybe what six things she couldn’t do without? I’d be curious what is essential to a cute ghost.

If you could share a bottle of alcohol with anyone who has ever existed, who would it be and what would you drink?

Kate Bush circa 1982. I’m not even kidding. You’d think probably absinthe or something, but she’s an Irish girl at heart, so a big ol’ $250 bottle of Jameson Rare Vintage Reserve’ll do the trick. There will be a fist fight. It’s not just her music that’ll kick my ass.

What would you rather have as a pet: A dragon, a unicorn Pegasus or Ezra Levant?

All of them. One nested inside the other in a way that makes the most physics sense. The Turducken of Pets. Which is also my third nickname.

Finally, if you could live your life over again with guaranteed success, what would you do?

I would more fully take advantage of my hotness for those two-or-three years where I was really super hot (see: musical theatre school, 9 hours of dance every week), and just too awkward to know it. This time I would know it! I would welcome a lot more photography! Look out ladies! Here comes Cheekbones McGee! I would also legally change my name to Cheekbones McGee. Nicknames would remain the same.