The first time I saw Dr. Jokes was during a ‘How to take out your own appendix in the safety of your home’ tutorial on the Youtubes. The video has since been taken down, but one thing that can’t get taken down is my confusingly powerful affection for the good Doctor. Now, I’m not sure what kind of a doctor the Doctor is. There is a rumour circulating the bath-house scene that it is a ‘Doctorate in Uncomfortable Silences’. Which is not to be confused with the rumour circulating in the Bed Bath and Beyond scene that it is a ‘Doctorate in Sneeze Arousal’. Which is to be confused with the Lady Bathory fan-fiction ‘Doctor 8 Ate Hate’ because they both share a love of all things hemoglobonous.
The Dr. is holding an open clinic this Monday the 12th and many other Mondays following. If you have something you need fixed, or are unsure of how to fix yourself, go see the good Doctor.
If you are unsure, you should seek out the Doctor’s nurses:
RN JOLEEN
and RN TIM
DOCTANSWERS:
If you would give yourself a nickname what would it be?
Dr. Jokes. Betcha didn’t see that one coming
If you could switch one body part with anyone else in the world living or dead, who and what would it be?
Winston Churchill’s famous singing peener (penis).
In five words, describe your most uncomfortable dream.
Spiders! Spiders! Spiders! Spiders! Spiderman3!
What is your favourite word?
Peenerly (n) -Of, or having the characteristics of, a peener (penis).
What does that word smell like?
Yellow
What is your spirit animal?
Neil Pert *EDITOR’S NOTE (Neil Peart)
If ghosts existed, would you want to meet one? If so, what would you ask it?
I went as a ghost for Halloween once! The next year I went as a cowboy. The house across the street was giving out the big chocolate bars.
If you could share a bottle of alcohol with anyone who has ever existed, who would it be and what would you drink?
Wine coolers with Jonathan Taylor Thomas circa Wild America.
What would you rather have as a pet: A dragon, a unicorn Pegasus or Ezra Levant?
Pegasus. Duh. What, are you stupid? *EDITOR’S NOTE (*)
Finally, if you could live your life over again with guaranteed success, what would you do?
Be the only African American coach in the excruciatingly racist town of Alexandria, Virginia in 1971. We will endeavour to bring harmony to the desegregated football team through rigorous coaching and stirring speeches. The team will eventually learn to set aside their prejudices and play an undefeated season. On our way to a game in South America the plane will crash in the mountains and we`ll be forced to eat each other to survive.
The Trent Wilkie 
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