From the opening credits to the final (yet obvious) secret footage post film, I knew THE AVENGERS would be something that I would remember. For better or worse.

Straight up, always been a Green Arrow fan. Alway have been. Always will be. Years of reading hand me down GA comics has given me straight up affection for the modern Robin Hood. But seriously, the scene where he pretended he was a helicopter for SEVEN FULL MINUTES? Come on, that was funny, maybe three…maybe four minutes into it. But SEVEN? He didn’t even look like a helicopter. Come on MARVEL you can do better than this.

And Thor. What the tee to the effing eff? How the hell does the SON OF ODIN get trapped in a well? I’ve personally seen over sixteen comics where he could fly. Or at least spun his hammer so fast that he could have drilled himself out of there. I don’t know why they had to have him be rescued. Totally off the plot line. And I’m sorry, Samuel El…sorry, Nick Cage yelling at Thor in his half drowned state screaming, “Wake the F$#%K Up!”. I get it. That kids book he read. The go the eff to sleep one. I know sweary. Everyone else does too.

And I don’t want to give away any spoilers ok. I’ve been reading the reviews all day and I know how they die and there is the pregnancy scare…I don’t want to give that away. But seriously, The Hulk would have been way more aggressive in that…situation. I’m just saying. And on top of a reactor? Everyone knows you shouldn’t shake that stuff. And they were like…a centrifugal paint shaker. I just hope people get the metaphor.

And finally, Iron Man. Or should I say LANDO! Selling everyone out like that? What is in your head? Poop? You sold them out for what? Indianapolis? You gave up two AVENGERS for Indianapolis? What are you from the moon or whatever? Joss? Whedon? Can you hear me? Seriously fellah, call your brain doctor because that doozy of a swithcheroo didn’t make any sense.

I don’t know guys. My AVENGERS fan-fiction totally blows this out of the water. And that scene where everyone sneezes alot…well, I’m just saying I’m going to have to talk to my lawyers. Reads a lot like my novella “Unmasking Julius Sneezer”. Yeah, you know the one.

Anyway. Thought the show was ok in spite of all that. Love the part with Eva Mendes and the weasel maze. Thought that worked out. Done straight up by the way. Real weasels. No cg. Thought that was a good choice.

All in all: THE AVENGERS was a B-

What do you guys think?

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