Words That I Have Made Up

Noun • A protester who protests protesters.

“What am I protesting against? What do you got? And then I’ll protest against protesting against that. It’s what protest-testers do. We also recycle denim.”

Cover Story Theorem 
Noun • Kids + Violence + Pets + Semi-naked Women = Highest selling newspaper ever.

“I think we’ll go with picture of the pregnant drunken cheerleader who threw up her kitten instead of the baby in a puppy costume who accidentally shot his mother while she was practicing her stripping. It satisfies the cover story theorem. No, I don’t care that the kitten is photoshopped.”

Ridiculed Pig
(Noun) – A recipe in which the pork is mocked for several hours during the marinating. The mocker must have a cheek full of thyme and a Klingon dictionary.

“I really enjoyed the ostracized salmon and the hazed cheese but not the ridiculed pig. It was like it was mocked for a few minutes too long. It was a bit too ghegh.”

Noun • An intensely intellectual, usually alcohol-fuelled one-night platonic relationship.

“I had this extreme conversation with this guy at The Black Dog about how existentialism and objectivism are essentially two sides of the same coin. But today, I feel a bit weird about our relationshit. It’s like we philosophically got to third base when all we intended to do was intellectually dry hump.”

Verb • To find something of value in someone else’s body.

“My boyfriend zxerexzed my car keys. They were in my soul. And by soul, I mean pants. And by pants I mean armpit. I have pet names for all my body parts.”

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