Words That I Have Made Up

Noun • A protester who protests protesters.

“What am I protesting against? What do you got? And then I’ll protest against protesting against that. It’s what protest-testers do. We also recycle denim.”

Cover Story Theorem 
Noun • Kids + Violence + Pets + Semi-naked Women = Highest selling newspaper ever.

“I think we’ll go with picture of the pregnant drunken cheerleader who threw up her kitten instead of the baby in a puppy costume who accidentally shot his mother while she was practicing her stripping. It satisfies the cover story theorem. No, I don’t care that the kitten is photoshopped.”

Ridiculed Pig
(Noun) – A recipe in which the pork is mocked for several hours during the marinating. The mocker must have a cheek full of thyme and a Klingon dictionary.

“I really enjoyed the ostracized salmon and the hazed cheese but not the ridiculed pig. It was like it was mocked for a few minutes too long. It was a bit too ghegh.”

Noun • An intensely intellectual, usually alcohol-fuelled one-night platonic relationship.

“I had this extreme conversation with this guy at The Black Dog about how existentialism and objectivism are essentially two sides of the same coin. But today, I feel a bit weird about our relationshit. It’s like we philosophically got to third base when all we intended to do was intellectually dry hump.”

Verb • To find something of value in someone else’s body.

“My boyfriend zxerexzed my car keys. They were in my soul. And by soul, I mean pants. And by pants I mean armpit. I have pet names for all my body parts.”

Published by: thetrentwilkie

Trent Wilkie is a husband/father/writer/journalist/performer in Edmonton. Trent has written for CBC Radio, Fangoria Magazine, Edmonton Sun, Exclaim Magazine, Fort Sask Record, Theatre Network, The Edmonton Fringe, and is currently pouring his heart and soul into his award-winning blog The UnDad. As well, Trent has also been a wilderness canoe guide for over 10 years which he now considers therapy. Trent is also a member of Mostly Water Theatre, a sketch comedy troupe and has performed in a bevy of Edmonton International Fringe Festivals to varying degrees of success. When taking time off from trying not to be boring, Trent likes to relax while watching horror movies and trying to write the perfect three chord song

Categories Canada, Edmonton, Humour, Internets, Other, trentwilkieTags, , , , , , , , Leave a comment

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