Protest-Tester
Noun • A protester who protests protesters.
“What am I protesting against? What do you got? And then I’ll protest against protesting against that. It’s what protest-testers do. We also recycle denim.”
Cover Story Theorem
Noun • Kids + Violence + Pets + Semi-naked Women = Highest selling newspaper ever.
“I think we’ll go with picture of the pregnant drunken cheerleader who threw up her kitten instead of the baby in a puppy costume who accidentally shot his mother while she was practicing her stripping. It satisfies the cover story theorem. No, I don’t care that the kitten is photoshopped.”
Ridiculed Pig
(Noun) – A recipe in which the pork is mocked for several hours during the marinating. The mocker must have a cheek full of thyme and a Klingon dictionary.
“I really enjoyed the ostracized salmon and the hazed cheese but not the ridiculed pig. It was like it was mocked for a few minutes too long. It was a bit too ghegh.”
Relationshit
Noun • An intensely intellectual, usually alcohol-fuelled one-night platonic relationship.
“I had this extreme conversation with this guy at The Black Dog about how existentialism and objectivism are essentially two sides of the same coin. But today, I feel a bit weird about our relationshit. It’s like we philosophically got to third base when all we intended to do was intellectually dry hump.”
Zxerexz
Verb • To find something of value in someone else’s body.
“My boyfriend zxerexzed my car keys. They were in my soul. And by soul, I mean pants. And by pants I mean armpit. I have pet names for all my body parts.”
The Trent Wilkie 