Edmonton

The Interview Project 18: Lindsey Walker


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I’ll get these jokes out of the way first: Texas Ranger, Sky, Sleep, White and that metal thing that old people push around.

“Lindsey Walker was born and raised in Winnipeg, Manitoba but please do not hold that against her. She sings, she plays, she writes, she jokes, and sometimes she even laughs. Sometimes.”

If I were a woman I’d probably be Lindsey. She is hilarious, very musically talented, she loves the outdoors and when she was young she had six imaginary friends whom she constantly berated for not understanding the end of Chinatown (we have all been there).

Lindsey has what doctors call a “SARS” personality (infectious). At one moment she can be as glowing as a sun made out of a million laughs and the next as serious as Kierkegaard pontificating over the cat vs. humanity conundrum.

If you don’t know her you should. If you need a laugh, find her. If you want to share a laugh, do the same.

If you would give yourself a nickname what would it be?

Probably something intimidating. I don’t really think of myself as intimidating, so the intimidating nickname may open some doors for me. “The last angry panda on earth” would be a good one. That or “Princess Cobra.”

If you could switch one body part with anyone else in the world living or dead, who and what would it be?

I would probably go for Ron Jeremy’s penis. Now I know that sounds pretty ridiculous, but seeing that I do not have a penis of my own the most suitable candidate in my opinion for a switcheroo would have to be someone who is known for that body part. Who else could there be?

In five words, describe your most uncomfortable dream.

I KILLED ALL MY FRIENDS 😦

What is your favourite word?

I would have to say TUMULTUOUS by far. I try to throw that into a conversation at least once a week.

What does that word smell like?

Fresh cut grass mixed with river water. It’s a confusing smell.

What is your spirit animal?

Sloth.

If ghosts existed, would you want to meet one? If so, what would you ask it?

GHOSTS DO EXIST.

That being said, I would totally want to meet one. I would then ask it to scare a bunch of people in front of me so I could watch people have the poo scared out of them. Then I would sit back, and enjoy the show.

If you could share a bottle of alcohol with anyone who has ever existed, who would it be and what would you drink?

John F. Kennedy. and we would drink gin. And not the cheap kind of gin either. I would probably ask for a kiss at the end of the date too. Is it a date? The questions never said it wasn’t, so I AM GOING ON A DATE WITH JOHN F. KENNEDY. Dreams do come true.

What would you rather have as a pet: A dragon, a unicorn Pegasus or Ezra Levant?

That’s actually a tough question.

Funny story… When I was new to Twitter, I mentioned Ezra Levant in a post about how I would rather die then read his book. He somehow got wind of that tweet and retweeted it to all his followers and I have to say, I have never been so scared for my life. I received a lot of frightening messages… so anyway, back to your question… I would have to say Ezra Levant, with the clause that I could feed him nothing but birds that have been affected by oil spills and never let him see the sun ever again. And I would have a Unicorn Pegasus pet too and I would spoil and pamper it in front of ol’ Ezra. That’ll show him.

Finally, if you could live your life over again with guaranteed success, what would you do?

I’d sleep in a lot more.

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