Canada

The Interview Project 19: Marty Chan


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“Playwright and kids author, Marty Chan has been active in Edmonton’s arts scene since the early ‘90s. Grandparents may remember his CBC Radio commentaries. Parents might remember his thriller, The Bone House. Kids will most likely know about his stress-farting cat, Buddy. His twitter handle is @Marty_Chan because @YellowPeril was taken.”

Marty is a pretty creative guy. He writes a lot of different things and seems to have an educated opinion on everything…and that can’t be easy. So, to help take a bit of the load off of his shoulders when it comes to his kids novels, here are some story plots that he can use if he runs out of ideas:

– A robot who can tell the future but only through lies. Also, he/she is addicted to Wonderbra commercials.

– A sentient mist that communicates with children through their sneezes. This mist needs help saving it’s planet from an enemy only known as “The Tickling Prince of Planet Throw-Up”.

– A rock that’s superpower is being able to do a perfect English accent but only underwater.

– A group of Junior High students have to teach the last two remaining pandas on the planet how to have sex in order to save their species.

These are my gifts to you Marty. Use them in good health. And now…ANSWERS:

If you would give yourself a nickname what would it be?

The Blue Raja. I loved the movie Mystery Men and I’ve always been fond of forks.

If you could switch one body part with anyone else in the world living or dead, who and what would it be?

I’d trade my eyes with Neil Armstrong, so I could see how they faked the moon landing photos.

In five words, describe your most uncomfortable dream.

Thought French final was Monday.

What is your favourite word?

Without a doubt, ‘Yes’ has to be my favourite word.

What does that word smell like?

It smells like a freshly opened envelope that contains a publishing contract.

What is your spirit animal?

The raccoon, scavenger of the dead.

If ghosts existed, would you want to meet one? If so, what would you ask it?

The only way I’d like to meet a ghost is if I was with Shaggy, and the question I’d ask is, “Scooby-Doo, where are you?”

If you could share a bottle of alcohol with anyone who has ever existed, who would it be and what would you drink?

A jug of screech with Kevin Costner so I could get him drunk enough to explain why he thought Waterworld was a good idea.

What would you rather have as a pet: A dragon, a unicorn Pegasus or Ezra Levant?

Ezra Levant. I’d always make sure there’d be a fresh copy of the Sun for him to crap on.

Finally, if you could live your life over again with guaranteed success, what would you do?

I wouldn’t change anything, even the failures. My best stories came from the worst experiences. Why would I give those up?

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Categories: Canada, Edmonton, Humour, Internets, trentwilkie

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