“Frederick Kroetsch is a reporter/producer for CTV’s Alberta Primetime. He produces stories from all around Alberta, usually around 5 minutes in length. From dog sledding in Canmore to medieval jousting in Brooks. He wishes he was surfing right now.”
One of my favourite Fred memories, and there are many, was during a taping of Primetime. Myself, Gilbert Bouchard and either Fish Griwkowski or Darren Hagen were the components of a pop culture panel. Basically, Fred would fire us some current topics and we would come into the studio and talk about them for ten minutes. One of the topics was the popularity of the Twighlight series of books. We talked about the writing style and the age group it was aimed at and how it was ostensibly just safe horror romance for soccer moms. Well, I didn’t say it was super safe. I remember spouting something about the vampire metaphor and how there are undertones involved with that and, “No matter how polite and safe you make it, they are vampires. Penetration is penetration.” I could swear I heard Fred laugh from the booth.
Fred has been a very good friend to me. He’s been there when I needed him. He doesn’t get offended when I’m not. He gets me involved in projects he is working on and I enjoy working with him. We have something intrinsically in common: ambition. We have goals for ourselves. Big lofty superhuman goals. As a side note, some of the worst hang-overs I’ve ever had in my life were after a few of my visits with him. I’m not implying that a visit with Fred is like a trip back in time to a frontier bathhouse, but there is much merriment when we hang. Fred is always doing something interesting and we always have something intellectually diverse to talk about. Sometimes you just can’t help but over imbibe when you are surrounded by such company. He and Angela Tassone are a couple of wonderful freaks.
If you would give yourself a nickname what would it be?
Rick Hunter…because Robotech is awesome.
If you could switch one body part with anyone else in the world living or dead, who and what would it be?
That guy on youtube who can play guitar with his toes… I want his toes. Mine are really lame.
In five words, describe your most uncomfortable dream.
First Day Grade Six Rape
What is your favourite word?
What does that word smell like?
It doesn’t. It’s a word.
What is your spirit animal?
If ghosts existed, would you want to meet one? If so, what would you ask it?
I’d probably say: Good evening. As a duly-designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the next convenient parallel dimension.
If you could share a bottle of alcohol with anyone who has ever existed, who would it be and what would you drink?
Trent Wilke. We’d probably drink shitty Pabst Blue Ribbon. Come on! We haven’t hung out in ages!
What would you rather have as a pet: A dragon, a unicorn Pegasus or Ezra Levant?
Tough choice…dragon or Ezra… They’re both reptilian demons, breathe fire, and hoard gold. I’ll go with a dragon – they’re slightly less aggressive than Ezras.
Finally, if you could live your life over again with guaranteed success, what would you do?
If I had another guaranteed kick at the can, I’d love to be a pro surfing-experimental filmmaking-travel guru-science fiction writing-cult leader-UN program starting-sub commander-television producing-time traveling-vampire turned vampire hunter kinda guy. Although I’m pretty damn close to that right now.