“Playwright, producer, burlesque dancer, believer in love – AD of Promise Productions, Co-AD of Send In The Girls, AA of Northern Light Theatre.”

I thought I knew Ellen. I really did.

I met her about ten years ago. When we met, she was an actress acting the crap out of whatever she could get her hands on. And then, she went and changed on me.

She started writing…children’s theatre of all things. Yes, I knew she liked kids and yes, I knew she was super talented, but man…could she swear. I remember her describing something she disliked once, and she swore with such emphatic voraciousness that I almost called the cops. I ended up just clapping. It was horrifyingly beautiful. Like a flower turning into a mushroom cloud.

Then, sure as there is shit in a dead cat, she went back to acting. Then to writing again. Then she was nominated for some awards and then just as I thought I’ve got my finger on her I find out that she’s dancing around in her underwear on stage. Check that, dancing around in her underwear on stage very well.

And now, not only does she do all these things, but I guess she’s some sort of up and coming leader in the Edmonton theatre scene. What next Ellen? Are you God? Do you think you are God Ellen*?


If you would give yourself a nickname what would it be?

Crash. Because I fall down a lot, but a nickname like that would justify it, you know? It would make falling down okay.

If you could switch one body part with anyone else in the world living or dead, who and what would it be?

Zelda Fitzgerald’s ears. If her ears had her memory. I like to hear all the things she heard.

In five words, describe your most uncomfortable dream.

Falling through the front porch.

What is your favourite word?


What does that word smell like?

The Stoney Plain Road IGA bakery in the morning.

What is your spirit animal?

This rabbit:

If ghosts existed, would you want to meet one? If so, what would you ask it?

I would want to meet one and I would ask her/him/it why they feel the need to hang on to the world and what I could do to help them have peace. Hopefully this question would lead to a 1980s style action movie.

If you could share a bottle of alcohol with anyone who has ever existed, who would it be and what would you drink?

I would love to sit down with Aaron Sorkin. He does wonderful things with words and I am very inspired by him. I would make him drink gin because I find when I drink gin, I don’t feel as sloppy drunk as when I drink beer or wine.

What would you rather have as a pet: A dragon, a unicorn Pegasus or Ezra Levant?

A dragon.

Finally, if you could live your life over again with guaranteed success, what would you do?

Wouldn’t that be boring? Failure sucks but at least it gets you somewhere.

*Ellen played God in a play I wrote called Gargamel.

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