Humour

Fight! Fairies VS Leprechauns


Before the large giants known as Celts roamed the island of Ireland, it was beset with magical folk. The leprechauns, pygmy like mischief-makers, and fairies, cast off angels (or in some cases, babies’ laughs turned solid). These two immortal enemies had many great battles in their time, so great, that we still read their tales of enchantment and slaughter. Here is a brief but focused look at the strengths and weaknesses of these two combatants.

Pit Fighting:
Being underhanded and ruthless, the leprechaun would most likely demolish a fairy. The only downside to the leprechauns fighting prowess is their tendency to directly attack the gonads of their opponents, of which fairies have none. This may be the only point a fairy could turn the tables, but they would most likely take this time to mock the leprechaun about its level of knowledge regarding the fairies’ lack of reproductive organs, giving the leprechaun a chance to kick it in the neck.
Advantage: Leprechauns

Drinking Competition:
Little known fact: Fairies are piss tanks. Sure, leprechauns are rarely seen without their dram of mead, but his is because they aren’t finished their first drink. Fairies are usually found fluttering around the forest either looking for where they put down their drink or drunkenly running amok. This is where the old adage ‘It smells like fairy puke in here’ was born.
Advantage: Fairy

Costume:
Leprechauns have an assortment of buckles, hats, shaleighleighs, bags, felt vests, ornate trousers, stockings and various shoes. Fairies are usually found half or fully naked.
Advantage: Fairy

Poetic composition:
Derivative of Joyce’s elongated prose; the Leprechaun tends to elaborate on imagery far too much and is somewhat dark and brooding in temperance.

Example of Leprechaun poetry:

My gold to me, as it always should be,
is enclosed safely within my silken purse.
If it is not, or if I have forgot,
My foot will need to be removed from you by a nurse.
(Because if you touch my stuff I’m going to put my boot very far into your rectum.)

A fairy’s poetry seems a bit more flighty as if inspired by the wind. Sometimes to a fault, the fairy’s verses are too the point and can be perceived as lacking in imagination.

Example of Fairy poetry:

Why are those people trying to kill me?
Oh look, a butterfly.
Advantage: Leprechaun

WINNER: FAIRY
In the end a fairy would fare better than a leprechaun based on the simplicity of marketing. Citing the examples of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, all you need is good looks to get by in this non-mythical world we live in. With that in mind, if a leprechaun were to get arrested for something atrociously depraved, it may be able to take a run at a fairy’s multi-market appeal. And if they ever mated and combined their genes…well then that may just end the world as we know it. Let’s hope that cross pollination never happens.

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12 replies »

  1. o my god if you honestly think fairies and that sort of stuff exist then you are obviously stupid , that above is not a real fairie , you can clearly see it is a clay model , if anyone in the world thinks that fairies and leprauchens exist well they are dumbasses

    • ppl that believe in fairies arent dumb we are just able to look past what society tells us and be true the ourselves and to nature..the evidence of the fay are all around us and if u just stopped for a minute with the everyday bs of normal life then u would see that they truly are real

    • So what. . you have way too much time on your hands you mean spirited little elf. The essence is pure magic. . it is the what if. . We know all the ugly things that exist how about a little magik eh/

  2. i mean god i thought ugly people were stupid but obviously i was wrong , please tell me whether you belive this rubbish and i will praise you the gift of royalty

  3. I believe in fairies as well and I am now 35. Some people believe in GOD and there has been more evidence of actual fairies existing than The All Mighty Himself.

    • Not bad. . . Magik transcends all time and God is the very essence of magic. . . Hell I’ve been called a lot worse than a dumbass. . .but you know how mean spirited elves can be

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