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Doing Santa’s Dirty Work


coal

Because you didn’t stop acting weird that one time.

In the beginning there were dicks by mail. Then came the glitter bomb.
Now, with Christmas around the corner, those jerks in your life can get their comeuppance: coal.

“With the influx of ‘ship your enemy x’ businesses popping up left and right, I thought it would be really cool to do something different,” said NaughtyCoalBox.com owner Dylan Jacob. “Coal in a box has been a long standing threat from parents to kids for ages and we wanted to provide an option that almost anyone could fit in their budget as a novelty gift or funny stocking stuffer.”

Some would think that an anonymous gift of coal would get the point across fairly clearly. But from Jacob’s perspective, a hand written note from Mrs. Claus (his girlfriend Shelby) adds that extra level of clarity.

“The more notable orders would have to be an order of 15 separate boxes to BuzzFeed headquarters,” Jacob said. “A guy ordered coal for his ex-boss at a finance firm in New York. Also,  a huge amount of orders from parents to kids with hand written notes explaining why Santa is gifting them coal. Kids must suck this year.”

According to Jacob, there aren’t any real boundaries with the notes, save for those that cross the line. They don’t send any that are threatening or that come across as bullying.

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Brevity is the soul of wit. 

Telling bosses they suck is a popular note Jacob points out. As well as parents motivating their kids to get their acts together or face the wrath of Santa Claus. Then there is the more obvious revenge of the jilted lover letters. With that in mind, does creating a website focused on fossilized carbon vindictiveness put Jacob on the naughty list?

“My parents could probably give you a better idea on my coal worthy moments as a kid,” laughed Jacob. “I’m not sure what Santa’s criteria is for the naughty list, but based off of the orders we’ve received, I probably deserve endless amount of coal.”

The season has been kind to Jacob and while there are a few days left, he sees nary a humbug.

“All of our feedback has been really good so far,” said Jacob. “I know that eventually we will run into a Scrooge that doesn’t find it as funny as we do, but that’s nothing a little coal can’t fix.”

Visit NaughtyCoalBox.com for more information.

*The compensation the writer received for this story will be put towards a golden maned pony named Mr. Tickles. 

 

 

 

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