23 and (adopted) Me

In a moment of late night pregnant online shopping/nesting/love my opulent wife bought me a DNA test from the groovy people at 23andMe.

I spit in a vile.

I mailed it away.

I waited.

Subplot: I’m adopted. My parents never hid this from me. I’ve written about it in several places. HERE and HERE (page 8) for example. Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway,  this is a very exciting thing for me.

Put on your glasses because here comes the money shot:

Screen Shot 2016-06-09 at 11.48.16 PM

It does not surprise me at all that I’m Irish. Now, I know it says British and Irish, but everyone on the Island of Cape Breton, where I was born, was either Scottish or Irish, so I’ll lean towards the Emerald Isle over the Fog.

Here is another neato thingy:

Screen Shot 2016-06-09 at 11.53.09 PM

The purple ones represent DNA based relatives who are in the 23andMe system. With this small source size, it still hints that I have cousins in the area I was born. I was born in Sydney, but for some reason I think my birth parents were from Glace Bay. I’ll talk to my parents and edit this later to make it, you know, more fucking factual or whatever.

Also, and my wife will love this, I get hangry. I’m a farty, crampy baby if I don’t get food. I could watch a unicorn give birth to Jesus and be thoroughly unimpressed if I haven’t eaten. So, I embrace this tidbit on a spiritually fulfilling level:

Screen Shot 2016-06-09 at 11.59.51 PM

Suck it world, I got medical proof (sort of) as to why I’m a whiny moody fuck. I just high fived myself.

And now the coolness. Well, all that above is cool (and there is a lot of more personal information that I am still sifting through that is boggling my brain cave), but I got pretty badass relatives:

Screen Shot 2016-06-10 at 12.15.00 AM

Thanks bio-mom! Not only did you carry me to term, you made my proficiency at robbing trains and getting shot in the back genetically relevant!

Anyway, I’m pretty blown away. There are other things (blood type, medical worries, genetic weirdness) that I still have to suss out, but this is the entirety of that hill that’s made out of beans.

Thank you Elizabeth. Thank you my love.


Published by: thetrentwilkie

Trent Wilkie is a husband/father/writer/journalist/performer in Edmonton. Trent has written for CBC Radio, Fangoria Magazine, Edmonton Sun, Exclaim Magazine, Fort Sask Record, Theatre Network, The Edmonton Fringe, and is currently pouring his heart and soul into his award-winning blog The UnDad. As well, Trent has also been a wilderness canoe guide for over 10 years which he now considers therapy. Trent is also a member of Mostly Water Theatre, a sketch comedy troupe and has performed in a bevy of Edmonton International Fringe Festivals to varying degrees of success. When taking time off from trying not to be boring, Trent likes to relax while watching horror movies and trying to write the perfect three chord song

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