While listening to Lascaux Proxy’s song Denoeument, I decided to go on a word journey to the land of dreams and wonder. WILL YOU JOIN ME THERE NOW?
“As Elijah entered the viking combat pavillion, he said aloud, “Home self-dentistry is an underrated hobby, at the same time, so is recreational ergonomics.”
The sound his head made as it hit the clay floor of the pavilion was that of a hollowed melon filled with the worst ideas possible. The applause that followed was as gregarious as the flapping wings of a murder of crows, recently in flight, and excited by the shenanigans around them.
Elijah’s head, taken from him by the stained and sharpened shovel blade of a melancholy young man self-nicknamed ‘Elrik the pedantic’, was then kicked around the room for several minutes before being picked up by Elrik himself. After carefully brushing dust out of the hair, he put it in a burlap sack that had the words ‘extra faces’ stenciled upon its side.
Elrik then giggled like a sea otter, leaned agains the nearest wall, and fell fast asleep.”
If you would give yourself a nickname what would it be?
If you could switch one body part with anyone else in the world living or dead, who and what would it be?
I would like to have Michelle Obama’s biceps.
In five words, describe your most uncomfortable dream.
Alien takeover, streets empty, alone.
What is your favourite word?
“Donc.” It’s French. Or onomatopoeia.
What does that word smell like?
Grape-flavoured felt marker.
What is your spirit animal?
If ghosts existed, would you want to meet one? If so, what would you ask it?
As a matter of fact, I met a ghost the other day and found that we had a very spirited conversation.
If you could share a bottle of alcohol with anyone who has ever existed, who would it be and what would you drink?
Frida Kahlo, because she was badass, and we’d drink some fucking expensive tequila. And leave the tab with Diego.
What would you rather have as a pet: A dragon, a unicorn Pegasus or Ezra Levant?
I would say dragon, but fire retardant chemicals are quite unhealthy, and you’d have to spray the whole apartment. So perhaps Ezra Levant…but you’d still have to spray. That leaves the unicorn Pegasus, but can you imagine walking down the street with one of those? It would take forever. Everyone would be asking for a ride. “Can I pet your Pegasus, mister?” “No, kid. Now outta my way.” Not to mention the poop-scooping issues for equine beasts. I ain’t carrying a shovel and a burlap sack around all day. Then when you take to the skies, freaking Homeland Security would be all up in your grill.
Finally, if you could live your life over again with guaranteed success, what would you do?
Learn how to levitate.